My mother outlived my father until the age of 89. After my father had passed away in 1976, I was the only child living with her until my young adulthood (remember, I was the youngest among my siblings of seven). I felt some loneliness living without my father but my mother was always giving encouragement to carry on. At the age of 16, without a father’s guidance could have been dreadful for a boy. Thank goodness, other than my mother, I had several very good friends. Since I was not good in sports (I did play soccer just for fun and Rugby for my house colour – Raffles), I channeled my energy to the School Band.
We had a maid by the name of Kak Zaini, who had worked and lived with us since I was 13. Those days, kampong girls were still willing to work as maids. Kak Zaini stayed with my mother for many years until came a day (in 1987 perhaps) that she left to work in a factory in Kamunting (influenced by a meddling friend). By that time, I was already married and working in Kuala Lumpur. Without a maid, my mother had some difficulties since she had not been cooking by herself for many years. Fortunately, she did not have to go to market because of the “mobile market” on motor-cycle was in existence. Age in her 60’s she was brave and strong to live by herself. So, I made regular trips to Taiping to visit her (once every month). My eldest brother had asked her to move to KL but she refused. Her reason was in Taiping, she could live in a house with a big compound and enjoy tending to the plants and flowers. If in KL, she could only be living in a link house with a small garden.
In 1989, tragedy struck our family. My eldest brother, Muhandes, a civilian master-jumper, died in a parachuting accident during the full dress rehearsal for the opening of the SEA Games at Merdeka Stadium. My brother’s death was very hard for my mother. The loss of her eldest son was a very hard thing to bear. So, after my brother’s death, she stayed with us in KL for a month. Since, her Taiping house was “unguarded”, the house was broke into by a burglar. A concerned neighbor had contacted my sister when she noticed the kitchen door was left opened. I was the one who had to take her home to Taiping because of this incident.
When we arrived home, we were shocked to see the entire house was ransacked. Fortunately, mother had taken all her jewelry along with her. After some thorough checks, we found only some small change and a few metal items was taken away. I took her to the police station to make a report. Since I was only on a very short leave, I had to return to KL very sadly and was concerned for my mother’s safety. Furthermore, I could not help her to clear up the mess. Again, she showed strength when she told me she would be alright (a few days later, my third sister went back to Taiping to help her clear up the mess).
The cycle of sadness in my mother returned for several months after my brother Muhandes passing. Every time I returned to Taiping, my mother would told how sad she was about missing her “big son”. There was nothing much I could do to comfort her. Whatever I said would only invite some scolding from her. Ironically, Kak Zaini came back and stayed with my mom for a few days. She had left her factory job (too hard work) and was working as maid at another house in Kampong Asamkumbang.
By this time (1989), many of mother’s relatives (my elder uncles) were all gone – Pak Anjang Abas, Ayah Cik Zainal John, Pak Long Shukor, Pak Ngah Warder. Those that were still alive were my elder aunties, all were also began to have signs of various illnesses.
Into the 1990’s, mother began to experience pains in her legs. She was a plump woman and now aged in her 70’s, her legs had begun to weaken. Mother could still walk but slowly. Because of her weak legs, she had fallen down a few times but fortunately landed on het butt. We (her “kids”) only came to know of this after the fact.
While I could only visit her once a month, fortunately, there were a few good “young” neighbours who lived next door who would check on my mother, at least (my regular mode of travel during this period was by train and sometimes express bus). My monthly trip home would usually involve a trip to town by taxi, to get her pension and shopping. Me, being a young man then, had to carry all the goods. Both of us would usually have lunch at one of the Nasi Campur stalls under Larut-Matang Supermarket (good kampong style local dishes). The stall was run by two sisters.
However, my mom, as typical as any other old folks, would not like to bother her children even when she was sick. The good neighbor would usually contact my sister and we would return to Taiping immediately. As usual, upon our arrival, she would say to us “Why you come back. No need to travel so far, I can take care of myself”. On a few occasion, we had to send mother to hospital because she had had fever or diarrhea for several days. For her incontinence, took quite a while for my sisters to educate her on the use of adult diapers. Initially she refused to use them but due to her weak legs, often she could not make it to the toilet in time.
The only time that I could not visit her every month was when I had to work in Singapore from 2001 to end 2003. Fortunately, a brother of mine was residing in Taiping then. Once, while in Singapore, I had to take a flight home (Changi-KL, then, drove) because my brother informed me that mother had fallen in the bathroom. During these three years, I could only manage to return to Taiping twice a year. By then, my second sister had obtained an Indonesian maid to live with my mother.
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| Pic of my wife and kids with my mom in 2006 (three years before she died) |
Upon the expiry of my work contract, I returned to KL and got a job with an IT company in Technology Park Malaysia, Bukit Jalil. Year 2004 onwards, I was able to make the monthly trips to Taiping. My trips became more frequent (once every two weeks) when my mom got shingles in 2006. Two of my sisters rotated to return to Taiping to look after her (with the help from an Indonesian maid). Then, in 2008, on one of my regular trips home, her maid knocked my bedroom door, saying my mom had slumped over in her chair at the dining table. By the look of it, I knew she had a stroke. My former schoolmate, Malik, advised me to call for an ambulance, which I did.
At the Emergency Ward, the doctor confirmed my mom had a stroke. Mother would be taken in for an MRI and will have to be in Hospital for several days. She was discharged a week later. The stroke caused her to be half-paralyze on her left side. Mom was in a weak state but bed-ridden from then onwards. Despite being weak, she could still remember her children and could speak softly. As the months went by, she had slipped into a dreamy state. I continued my fortnightly trips home, sometimes with my sister. I dreaded that my mother’s time will be up in not a far distance.
On 16 August 2009, the news that I dreaded came just a week after my last visit to Taiping. Mother had very high fever and coughed a lot. My brother had called for an ambulance that evening. Later past mid-night, the doctor pronounced her dead.
My sister and I arrived home by 03:00. Mother’s remains arrived from Hospital by 04:00. By morning of 17 August 2009, all siblings and the grand-children had arrived. Most of our relatives and a few of the remaining old friends of my mom came to pay their last respects.
Here, I arrive at the end of my mother’s story. Since my mother’s passing, I miss the regular trips to Taiping and I feel emptiness inside me. I also miss my old house which belongs to my third sister now.
I would still return to Taiping but on rare occasion only and every trip home is a very valuable one.
Also, what I miss most is my mother.
