There is Power In Solitude

My father passed away when I was 15 years old. Being the youngest of 7 siblings, I felt alone and lonely after that. All my elder siblings were working and staying in Kuala Lumpur, except a sister who live in Sunga Petani, Kedah. Fortunately, I had several good friends that I knew at school. I would enjoy the company of these good friends. However, once I reached home the feeling of loneliness crept in. I went through this state of loneliness for several years until I went to KL for my first real job in 1981.

My young adult son is going through this stage of loneliness in the recent years since many of his friends have completed their studies and working away from KL. I noticed and understand what he is facing. He asked me how I managed to go through or survive that period.

Being alone or the feeling of loneliness is not a bad thing. You have got to survive this temporary moment or stage in your life. I will not say it would be easy but it is not tough either. I learned that there is power in loneliness. As in the story of Superman, he has his own “Fortress of Solitude”. While in the period of solitude, make it an opportunity for positive use.

1.       Be close to God. I do not mean that you have to be very religious. Just perform the necessary daily prayers. “Confide” in Him. There might not be immediate answers. However, believe that He will provide the answers in moments you would not expect it.

2.       Search ideas to create. Write, draw. How to make your life better? How to make other people’s life better?

3.       Self-actualization. Analyze your own self, what can you do to be a better person, be better at your job? Build better relationships with people.

4.       Rebuild your strength (energize). Exercise, walk, jog, ride a bicycle, go to the gym.

5.       Build your knowledge (intelligence). Read books, visit Expos, attend a conference.

6.       Feel the moment – appreciate nature, smell the flowers, listen to the birds, study people or surroundings, watch a movie, travel, etc.

7.       Feel the sadness. Learn from it. I felt sad when my parents and good friends died. What is left are the fond memories. I review these fond memories and I feel better. From the memories, I appreciate my life, family and friends that I still have. I treat people better.

Yes, my son, I know you feel afraid. However, you cannot allow the fear control you. Your life is an adventure. A journey that you, Only You, can live through. Along the way, there will be turbulence. Such turbulence is just temporary. Make adjustment and return to the right track. There is a saying “The past has gone, the future is unknown. Today is the present”. Seize the day. Make it a beautiful, happy day. It is all up to you. Nobody else can do it for you. Be a survivor. I know you can.

I found the power and strength in solitude. I enjoy travelling alone as much as with my wife or friends. I overcame the fear of loneliness and I survive.